this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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