??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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