I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
