I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
