either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's like iHOP with fire
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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