I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
