I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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