i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
