there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
