Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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