Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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