Please, let me fuck your mom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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