there's paper in my vomit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
