Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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