I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
