chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
