Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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