I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
