According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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