of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
