Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize