We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
