i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
