dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
