please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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