I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
