your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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