Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
