I heard we made out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
