Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
