I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
