I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
