Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
