well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
