it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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