im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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