Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
