Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
