I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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