in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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