there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
