i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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