i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
