You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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