never play flip cup with pint glasses
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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