Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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