How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
