I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
