Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
