I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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