UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
