You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
