Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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