so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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