It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
