i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
