woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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