you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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