Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize