Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
