Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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