We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
