Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
