she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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